if you like me you must not know who I am
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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