I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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