Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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