I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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