I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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