Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
