i jhust puked up my retainher.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
