Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
