I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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