i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
