Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
