hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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