the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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