I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
