So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
