if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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