Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
