i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
