I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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