this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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