I got chris browned last night
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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