I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
