Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
