did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
