Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
