At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My breasts were aching with rage.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
