Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
