sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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