Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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