I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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