hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
