I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
