Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
