So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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