I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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