I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
