I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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