I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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