there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
