I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
