I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is wine microwaveable?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
