Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
