I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
