Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
are you so shy because you have an std?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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