girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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