she smelled like a LAN party
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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