Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
