Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
