So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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