And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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