Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I forget how to act sober
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