Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
