he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
