false alarm. still invincible.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
