This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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