remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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