A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
