Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
