you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
