wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
