they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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