He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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