Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
