My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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