Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
