Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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