my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have post one night stand depression
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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