I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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