if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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