I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
