I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
