Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
