I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
