u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
