You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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