If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
