the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How does one acquire holy water?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
