Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
