Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
