I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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