Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
