I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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